Are You Doing It for Yourself?

Recently, I realised how much of my inner friction comes from expectations.

I expect myself to finish this week’s to-do list.

I expect others to react and act according to how I imagine.

I expect myself to put in the same number of hours as a corporate employee.

When reality doesn’t match those expectations, I get stressed, anxious and guilty.

So I started asking myself: why am I placing these expectations on myself? Where did these expectations come from in the first place?

Are they inner expectations, led by my own instinct and what I deem important? (If yes, great.)

But more often than not, these are old expectations that I should have outgrown.

Or are external expectations that I’ve unconsciously absorbed as my own.

Exploring inner vs outer expectations has been happening in my calligraphy and creative practice too.

You may resonate with some of these:

• Are you doing / learning something new because you want to?

• Are you buying a new tool because it’s useful?

• Are you shaping your calligraphy practice and routine around your schedule and what you can manage?

• Are you showing up more regularly on Instagram because you want to connect with others?

• Are you pushing yourself to improve your calligraphy because it brings you satisfaction?

Or are you doing these simply because you see others doing them?

Calligraphy, like any creative practice, invites us to pay attention inward.

Over the past six years, calligraphy has taught me more than letters and writing. It has also taught me about who I am, and what it means to listen to myself.

So if something in your practice feels especially challenging, frustrating, or just off, perhaps take a step back.

Ask yourself: Am I doing this for me, or for someone/something else?

This was first published in my email newsletter, 💌 Curious Letters, where I share tips and stories about calligraphy.

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